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For the last several years, I've been a reporter for the Boldface Names column in the New York Times, which means that I go out and party with celebrities several times a week. Here's your chance to learn what doesn't make it into the paper.
Drama Dept. benefit - March 25, 2005
What she actually said: "You know what, they didn't pick up my mother. Fuck 'em!"
Opening night of "The Glass Menagerie" - March 24, 2005
Meeting old crushes, part 3218: Christian Slater
Danny Aiello cabaret concert - March 18, 2005
Danny Aiello turned out to be very sweet, but he's still got that wiseguy look. Every time he pointed his finger out at the crowd when he sang, I felt mildly threatened.
Comedy Benefit for Autism Research - March 17, 2005
I was really excited to interview Triumph, the Insult Comic Dog. During his TV interviews, Robert Smigel, the comedy genuis with his hand up Triumph's ass, was very strict about mic/camera placement, but thanks to a previous experience interviewing Muppets, I was confident I knew what to do. But when it came time for me and my tape recorder, Smigel totally abandoned the poor puppet, basically stuffing him into a pocket and just doing the voice to answer my questions. Another dream shattered.
Premiere of "Off the Map" - March 11, 2005
Campbell Scott is cute. New Mexico is crazy. End of story.
Oscar-watching party at Elaine's - March 1, 2005
Where to begin? Tony Danza showing me how to take someone out with a quick upper-cut to the jaw? Regis Philbin suddenly grabbing my face with both hands, feeling around as though he were blind, and screaming, 'Who is this? Who is this?' The table almost catching fire? More to come...
WGA East Awards - February 22, 2005
Tony Kushner told me he actually does think SpongeBob is gay. And Patrick, too.
Premiere, "The Exonerated" - January 27, 2005
Too bad there was never a 'Seinfeld' episode about spit talkers. Henry Schleiff, the head of Court TV, could've had a cameo.
Opening Night, "Fiddler on the Roof" - January 26, 2005
I love Harvey Fierstein. Once, when he was doing 'Hairspray,' I got to visit his dressing room with the mayor of Baltimore, Martin O'Malley, who stood in between Harv and I in the room. Would you ever visit, I asked Harvey, who was making 'yeah right' faces at me as the Mayor went on and on about how great B-more is. 'No way,' he mouthed over the Mayor's head. 'I'm scared.'
Deathly boring. Last year, the combination of a drunky Quentin Tarantino and a genius Eugene Levy made this event fun, but this year the only fun attendee was Paul Giamatti (though I did get to meet Sarah Vowell). By the way, Giamatti didn't say he didn't have the courage to talk to Clint Eastwood; he said he didn' t have the balls. But the Times doesn't go for balls.